This is my least favorite. It really was death of a vision.
I have done four hospital births and two home births. I wanted this one to be at a birthing center and thought it would be the best of both worlds. I could get away and have someone take care of me and not have people bugging me constantly.
I started having contractions that were noticeably different Sunday morning. I sat through my husband’s preaching and had to close my eyes a few times 🙂 My five year old was sitting next to me and said: “Mama! Open your eyes!” (Didn’t want me sleeping through daddy’s sermon).
I came home and thought: “Hmmm, might be today!” But… the contractions were so sporadic.
Sunday night around 7 p.m. my family went to evening service and I stayed home with somewhat painful, erratic contractions. We decided to have my kids go stay at my inlaws and my sister’s house in case I went into labor at 2 a.m.
Welp, 2 a.m. rolled around and we decided to go to the birthing center. I had anxiety about it because my contractions were still… strange… all of my labors up to this one have been very similar but his one was…different and just not progressing like the others have…
I was a four when I got to the birthing center…I laid in the bed and it felt like the labor really slowed down… It was stressful because I felt like I was wasting the midwives’ time. At about 4 a.m. I asked my midwife what I should do. She gave me some tincture (cedarwood maybe?) and told me to take a shower and rub my chest to stimulate contractions. I did that and after only two doses of the tincture and a shower I felt like things were changing. I got back in bed to get ready and sure enough I felt a BIG one coming… BAM! My water broke with that contraction and my midwife came in. We both seemed excited and I knew things were progressing…but then…we saw the meconium. She looked at me and asked: “Did you have an ultrasound recently?” Me: “No…” having no idea why she asked that… She said she wanted to check me again… I laid down and she said: “Katie, I’m so sorry but your baby is breech and we can’t legally deliver her. You’re going to have to go to a hospital and I am guessing they will want to do a c-section.”
I was bummed….but said: “Ok, let’s go then…” We pulled up to the ER and went in. I was trying my hardest not to cry and keep my sense of humor going. When the midwives said: “I’m so sorry.” I just replied: “I’m ok, God is sovereign over all of this.” That was really the only thing comforting me at the time. Knowing that God knew Ruby would enter the world via c-section.
I got checked into my room and the Dr. came in and said: “Hello, I am the one doing your surgery today.” No questions like: “Would you like a c-section?” Nope. I was going into surgery and that was it. Unfortunately, I was ready to go at 7 a.m….right when everyone switches shifts so I had to labor for another hour while everyone got checked in and ready.
By the time they were wheeling me into the operating room I was full on shaking… I usually do that right before I start pushing. Bummer.
They did the spinal tap. Creepy. And I laid down to get cut open.
I was still shaking hardcore and it was not a good feeling to think people would be cutting into me while I was shaking…. I started dry heaving over and over but couldn’t throw up. It was terrible. For anyone who thinks a c-section is the “easy way out”, think again…
After some serious tugging I got to see my sweet Ruby Nell. They held her up to the plastic screen and I started to cry… believe it or not that was the first time I cried when seeing my baby. Usually I was almost giggly and would say things like: “My baby! My baby! Look at my baby!” 🙂 But I think all that bundled up emotion came spilling out when I finally got to see her.
They had to take her aside and do breathing treatment on her as well as pull out lots of stuff from her lungs. I didn’t get to hold her or have her next to me till after I was all stitched up. When they finally plunked her on my chest I was so ecstatic.
They wheeled me back into the room where I started throwing up…not sure what that was about.
We got wheeled from that room to a recovery room and it was a lovely room.
The recovery from a c-section has definitely been worse for me physically but for whatever reason my emotional recovery has been my best yet (I have been taking lots of supplements though including ones to improve my gallbladder health…so…who knows?)! I did have two weepy days over having a c-section…wondering if I could have really pushed the hospital and forced them to let me have a breech birth…but I have counseled myself to move on since there is nothing I can do about it now. My midwife did tell me I am a great candidate for a vbac if the Lord should choose to fill my womb again. That’s encouraging.
So. That’s it. My 7th birth. I can’t believe I have done this 7 times. It really feels like my 3rd time. I still feel like a “new mom” 🙂
